Come find the Sun

Grace under Fire

“Grace under Fire” I’ve heard this saying during my life about a million times. without really understanding the true meaning of these words. I finally got it!

When under extreme stress, when everything is looking its bleakest, a ray of Light shines in and changes everything. Perception, the very way of looking at a situation moves 180 degrees. The angle has changed, the light is different, and it can be seen clearly. The fog has been lifted and sometimes that fog is dense. Dense can definitely be where I am!

I get caught up in the craziness of my life. Right now, buying a house and selling the house I grew up in. Moving, not just moving down the road but waaaay down the road, 300 miles give or take. My son is also moving and getting married in May. Yiks!!! No wonder things are foggy!  I’m surprised I can see anything at all .  There are so many emotions swirling around in that fiery fog that have left me


Fog (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn)

less than who I need to be. Yeah, I haven’t been easy to deal with!!

But Today, a ray of light has entered that fiery fog and shown me a different perspective.Selling my childhood home is not an easy thing. The emotional baggage that comes with ending this part of my life has been a rollercoaster ride of calm and total freak out. As much as we humans don’t like change, we can’t hold onto what has gone in the past. We have to let go of it. Our childhoods need to stay where they are supposed to be, we can’t bring them with us into the next phase in our lives. We need to let it go. That includes the bad stuff, not just the good. We need to face it, deal with it, and all the lessons that come with it, and move on. How can we truly move on without dealing with what has been. The lessons from our childhood need to be learned. We need that knowledge before we embark into the next phase. We can’t avoid them, we’ll be stuck. Unable to move on. They will keep coming up until we’ve learned it. Ever notice that, The same situation keeps happening again and again. It’ll keep happening till the fog lifts and the light shines in. Better to deal with it or change how we dealt with it the last time than to push it aside. Avoidance, not a good thing. It’s better to say ” lesson learned” OK I get it. than have to keep repeating the same lessons over and over, but we’re human, and very dense matter.  Some people need more than a ray of light, they need a cast iron frying pan to hit them in the head. Dense, very dense.

So, no more avoiding things I don’t want to deal with. I’m going to stick it out, do the right thing, live with my heart wide open and  embrace every situation as it comes and not avoid what needs to be dealt with. Live Life head on. It’s time to move on into the next part of my life without the baggage of my childhood, just the lessons learned. I’ll need them for my new Life. This is: Grace under Fire.

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Words from: Those who Know

Oh, Divine Mother how the World has changed or has it? Maybe I haven’t seen with my eyes wide open.

With eyes wide open it is sad to see

the goodness that is inherent in us all covered by the sin of greed.

Divine Feminine Power

Divine Feminine Power (Photo credit: Kathy Crabbe Art)

Corruption of our spirits.

Our hearts closed to that which shines from above to us all.

Open Hearts and let in the Light of day

Find Joy and gladness

Life should be Simple and not the chore we have made it to be

Greed in so many Words need not be, but trials and needless strain of the powers that be.

Let go of thine heart and open wide to see who dwells inside

for it is not greed that resides there

But Love of the Father and Mother Divine who is there

Open your Hearts and be who you are

Divine Beings from the very start

The Truth of these words will not compare

With the Love of those that would dare challenge the Love that is waiting there.

Be ever so careful to not get caught in the trap that’s been set

Come Forth my Children and you shall know how much you are Loved

By Those who Know

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Is your bra killing you? Update

Brassiere - 2001F173.2

Brassiere – 2001F173.2 (Photo credit: Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery)

Since my blog appeared ” Is your Bra Killing you?” , I’ve contacted “Komen for the Cure” to ask them if they knew of the research done on the detriments of wearing a bra. I did get a reply stating that other research was done in 1991(they did not give me any sources of this research or where the studies were done) that proved that wearing a bra did not cause breast cancer. The medical community has dismissed it and that was that!

Although, when investigating Komen’s website I did find bras listed under”Needs More Research”. When I e-mailed them back and told them this and asked for the specific studies they quoted I received NO reply. Only they moved wearing bras to the list of “Not a Cause” after my inquiry.

I find this very fascinating !!

“Komen for the Cure”raises funds for research for woman who already have breast cancer and they do very little in educating women on preventing it. The list of “Needs more Research” is extensive and would take decades to do. Why are we waiting for this research??? We are a society of intelligent woman. The incidence of breast cancer here in the United States is astounding compared to the rest of the world.

Why is that? The answers are plastered all over the news. Toxic wheat, additives to our water, milk, preservatives that keep food edible for months, sometimes years, this list could go on for days……. Our bodies are of this Earth. These chemicals are NOT. The two cannot be mixed together without harm being done! If we consume all of these toxins from food, water, the very air we breathe and our bodies are tied up in a bra, there is no where for these toxins to be released from our bodies, its pointed right at our breasts and breast tissue is very delicate and susceptible to these toxins.

The medical community is NOT infallible! They have been wrong before. Many times in fact. When telling this to “Komen for the Cure”, to at least keep an open mind that if this information helped one women not have to endure the agonies of breast cancer, it was worth it! , I received no reply. A Shame. Also on the “Komen” website was a bra designed for women to wear to get their radiation treatments- in a bra! It has since been removed from the website. WHY? It made the breast cancer worse!! Radiation in a bra!!?? REALLY…. Designed by the medical community, they were wrong again! I pray for the woman who used it to get better. What about them.

Who do we Trust here??

We need to trust ourselves. Trust that the Divine in ourselves will show us what is best. We can’t trust that little voice that says”What will people think?” that is not our Divine self speaking, THAT is FEAR. Don’t let fear disguise what the divine needs you ro know. The divine will never lead you astray. It  is in your heart. and there lies the TRUTH.


Lyme Disease: A first hand experience

I’m not sure why I haven’t written this blog on my experience  with Lyme Disease. Maybe I’m still harboring deep resentments from the trauma of it,with the medical community and with some of my family, and how a bug as small as a freckle almost killed me.

It’s almost Spring again and my mind is already on the reemergence of those little buggers. Wondering if it’s been cold enough this winter to kill them, and if not, there will be double the little invaders to watch out for. As you can see from this map, it’s not just Connecticut’s problem anymore.They’ve been hitching a ride with the migrating birds and spreading around to places where the medical community has no clue what to do for the people suffering from it. Not that the medical Community here in Connecticut knows exactly what their doing, even after 25 years it still seems to be a mystery.English: National Lyme disease risk map with 4...
This journey began for me, while on vacation with my family , in the summer of 1990. I noticed a large red swelling on my arm and felt like I had the flu. After a few days the blotch and the flu symptoms disappeared and I felt better and my life went on, back to work, kids, husband, house. But I never really recovered, I was exhausted all the time. The winter of 1991 the violent headaches began, vomiting, weakness, terrible pain in the back of my neck and the feeling I was going to pass out, was always present on a day-to-day basis. My nightmare was in full swing. My body was telling me something was seriously wrong and I was still trying to do it all. Denial and I come from some very stubborn stock, I’m guessing.

The doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on, they thought it might be Lyme Disease but, all the tests were negative. (at that time the doctors would NOT treat you without a positive Lyme test) I had CAT scans, MRI’s, Spinal taps, you name it, I probably had it done and still no answers, but I kept getting sicker. By this time my vision was double and failing,my left arm and my legs were numb and I couldn’t rely on their functioning. Feeling this way became part of my life and I was still going to work. It took all my strength to do it. Some days I don’t remember how I got home. Scary. cognitive issues began to be noticeable, I couldn’t remember anyone’s name at work or if I had finished a task. I would double-check everything 10 times, which means I didn’t get a whole lot accomplished, don’t even know how I managed it for so long. MY work suffered, my family suffered, and I felt like I was slowly dieing.Still the doctors were grabbing for anything to explain what was happening, MS,Epstein Barr Virus, it was all in my head, Depression. There is nothing like a doctor telling you that  your NOT sick, when your body and mind are falling apart. Looking back on it now, they were blaming ME for THEIR failure. Why couldn’t they just say ” We don’t know”, instead they devastated a very sick woman hanging on to their pride. The stress of this betrayal by the medical community only made me sicker, because it was not just the medical community that was questioning my sanity but some of my family members as well, they believed the doctors! My husband Scott was the only one that believed me. God bless him. He could see the muscles spasm up and down my back. He was and still is my champion. With his help we finally found a doctor that would treat me without the positive Lyme test. 8 weeks of IV antibiotics and my body couldn’t handle any more,it had enough. Walking was only done by holding onto the walls and that was to the bathroom. I  was pretty much bedridden for the next 2 years. My mind was mush, my speech was slurred, and on occasion I couldn’t remember my children’s names. Nothing seemed to work- at least not together or at the same time. Chills, sweats. My body needed to heal. Slowly, very slowly my body started to regain some strength and I needed to find a way to help my body recover.

In my next blog I’ll tell you what worked and what didn’t.  I hope someone else suffering with this disease can benefit from my trial and error of recovery. Because I did bring myself back to a functioning vital human being!

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Words for the Wise

reality based view

reality based view (Photo credit: rocketjim54)

Carefully watch your Thoughts,

for they become your Words

Manage and watch your Words,

for they become your Actions

Consider and judge your Actions,

for they become Habits

Acknowledge and watch your Habits,

for they shall become your Values

Understand and embrace your Values,

for they become your Destiny


Wise words by Gandhi

These wise words were passed to me by a dear friend. Thank you


Inside the Whirling Tornado

If you use my pictures please give credit to: ...

If you use my pictures please give credit to: ForestWander Nature Photography, (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Strange title. Not from where I am right now. My life feels like just that. A whirling tornado. So much spinning around. Emotions, the death of my parents,selling my childhood home, moving away to start a new life.

The death of my parents, within a year of each other, has been a tough road.  My father, who I was very close to, has been tough to deal with. I miss the man. He was high maintainance, demanding, anal on some things. But, his sense of humor is what I miss the most.Cause even when he was suffering terrible he could still crack a joke!! Besides that, he was a very kind man. That type of kindness doesn’t seem to be made anymore. What a shame! One thing we all could use more of:  kindness.

My Mom, who I thought I wasn’t very close to, has been a surprising grief. When she passed away, I actually felt it as a physical parting. I felt the tearing away of her spirit on a physical level. It was very profound and still affects me a year and a half later. It has made me think of the Divine connection between mothers and their children. Mothers carry them within their bodies for 9 months. The babies are physically and spiritually linked for that period of time. I don’t believe that after the birth we lose that connection, just the physical, the spiritual connection remains in tact, from my experience, till death. The tearing away has created a raw spot on my heart. By writing this and sharing it with all of you, I hope the tear will start healing. I want to remember the joys and the love I received from both of them my whole life, not the tearing away. I want my heart to bear the evidence of their love and not terrible scars of grief.

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Is your bra killing you?

Actually, it might very well be doing just that.

I recently read a small article in the January edition of Natural Awakenings by Kathleen Barnes entitled”Ditch the Bra“. This article, though small,is a Truth hidden under the cloak. The cloak being, all those with other agendas who wish this cloak to stay on and tightly closed. Let’s take a peak and see what’s under there.

Sydney Ross Singer, a medical anthropologist,and Soma Grismayer, the director of the Institute for the study of Culturogenic Disease,wrote a book on the subject, entitled “Dressed to Kill“.Singer’s research was done in the 1990’s and he relates” Breast cancer is caused by bras.” That’s a pretty big statement! “Bras are designed to change the shape of a woman’s breasts to a culturally approved image. But bras also create a pressure band between the breast and the lymph nodes, causing inflamation and swelling and causing lymph to back up,restricting the body’s natural detoxification system.” He explains, “Cancer causing toxins are delivered to the breast tissue by the blood stream and are kept there by the bra. The bra holds them in place, pointed directly at the breasts.” Singers findings have been largely dismissed by the Medical Community. It’s unfortunate, to put it very mildly, that the Medical Community has not warned woman of the results of Singers findings. It may have saved a lot of women since the 1990’s from the agonies of breast cancer. If you can’t bring yourself to go without one, get a bra without wires. When you get home take it off.

Another study was done by the Harvard School of Public Health, it was published in the European Journal of Cancer Care in 1991, this study had similar results,woman who didn’t wear bras had a much lower rate of breast cancer. But, because these results were not the main focus of the study, there has been no follow-up on these results.

How many woman’s lives may have been saved by this TRUTH ????????

Before I wrote this I had to do it myself, you know, practice what you preach. I started slowly, only wearing a bra(without wires) when I went out. The social aspect of being in public without a bra needed to be overcome. I could also hear my mother in my head” you can’t go out like that!” Old programing that needed to be dealt with and released out into the ethers. It’s very freeing….  But also, when I thought what the consequences might be, all my bras hit the trash can. NOT WORTH IT !!!

I now wear a camisole or a sleeveless t-shirt under my clothes. Singer is right, the shape and even the texture of my breasts has changed since I’ve stopped wearing a bra. They’re fuller and rounder. Wearing a bra does not make your breasts look better, in my opinion, not wearing one does! There have been looks of shock from the woman who have noticed my bra-less state. The guys, shock at first, then they seem quite happy with the natural Jiggle going on! Sometimes I have to hold back my laughter from the shocked expressions, at least till I’m out of ear shot( don’t always make it!) Now, I kind of look forward to those reactions. It’s like Forest Gump‘s box of chocolates,”You never know what you’re gonna get.” I’m enjoying the open box!

There’s only one woman in the public eye, that I know of, that doesn’t wear a bra, Whoopi Goldberg. Maybe she read the research?! Whatever the reason she’s not wearing one, Bravo.

Please, all who read this TRUTH, pass it on to all the woman you know. It may save someone’s life. Be brave, don’t let societies rules dictate the health of your body. Don’t possibly loose your life over social convention. I did it, so can you. Guess we need to be like the women of the 1960’s and burn our bras. This time though we’re fighting for our lives.

The TRUTH will set you free. (Breasts too!!)

Fidelity, Sincerity, Integrity= Truth


Quest for Truth What’s in a word ?

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Enormous snowball made in South Park in a snow...

Yea it’s summer and I’m talking about snowballs. Not the cold, wet ones though. The ones that start out as something small. Something that was said to another that probably shouldn’t have been said at all, but was, then repeated to someone else with a different spin on it. It keeps rolling along, people’s reactions keep spinning and keep this ball rolling and rolling along till there’s an avalanche of emotions and hurt feelings that tumble and roll and crash.

Why is it we do this to one another? Usually to the ones that are closest to us. If we can’t be kind, honest and respectful to those closest to us, how do we treat others that aren’t? Do we treat them better? Are there power struggles going on? Old agendas from the past that are being hurled at us?

The snowball fight of life. Who’s going to get one in the face? A cold, wet wake-up call. Actions cause reactions in others that you’d never expect. Keep flinging those snowballs at each other till your frozen, chilled to the bone from the actions of others hurled back at you with icy speed and accuracy aimed at the heart. Brrr…..

The warmth of the heart can melt it away, if you let it. The merging point of our earthly bodies and the Divine Source. The Heart. Where forgiveness lies for yourself and others. If your willing to accept it. If you understand the lesson that was hurled at you. Learn it and let it go, if you don’t, there’ll be another snowball headed your way.

That’s a lot of ” if’s”. Comes under the category of Free Will. It’s up to you. Where do your actions and reactions generate from? From the place of Love and Forgiveness? Or someplace lower than your Heart? You can melt those snowball with that Divine Fire in your heart. You can stop the avalanche from ever happening.

A collection of snowballs.

A collection of snowballs. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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