therosetrinity

Come find the Sun

Unchain My Heart

on May 12, 2012

I find myself, even after years of working on old issues, still with my heart surrounded in iron with a lock on it. Opened at last by a comment made by my mother-in-law. Was it mean? Absolutely not. It was my reaction to a simple statement of the truth. Bursting into tears.

I had to put those tears in check for her reaction was to be horrified that she didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut, that had made me cry. I tried to reassure her that it’s an issue already being worked on. It’s OK. I’ll be fine.

How many times have I said those words”I’ll be fine.” When truly I wasn’t. The doormat syndrome is what I’ve dubbed it. Being to kind, letting people walk on and wipe their feet on me. Seeing the situation through rose-colored glasses. No one is the bad guy. ” I’ll be fine.”

Well, that one statement shattered my rose-colored glasses.

Bad Guys – 2.      Victims of their selfishness, cruelty, greed and manipulations – too many to count

By that one statement, I’m the major victim. Couldn’t really see it or I didn’t want to. Not through those glasses. How I’ve explained it all away to myself for so many years and tried to convince others, to boot!! ” I’m fine” When all I did was create an iron box around my heart to shield it from further injury. How thick are the walls of this box? What has my heart missed because of the selfishness of others? How have I not been able to love because of those iron walls?

I can find out now. I’m the doormat no longer. I never deserved to be treated in this way. I casted one of them out of my life years ago. Self preservation. Threw out the doormat, found my voice and stuck to my decision. Haven’t regretted it. Never realized the stronghold being built around my heart. How could anything or anyone get in? The Divine has been there. Shining outward, showing where the cracks are, waiting for me to be ready for the truth. The lock has been removed, the box cast off. My heart beats without restriction or fear of what has passed, but looks forward to opening up to the possibilities of the future.

Retribution? Vindictiveness? NO. Not my style. The Divine gives us these challenges to grow and learn. This has been a whole lot of lessons !!!!! I’ll remember the lessons and let all the hurt go. That hurt is what built those walls in the first place. I don’t want them back. As for them, they had ample opportunity, through the years of torment, to change their treatment of others. I’ve always had hope of that change. It never came. If it was part of what they were here to do in this life, May the Divine bless them, they did it well. If not, You reap what you sow.

So thank you Mother- in – law for your honesty. You’ve helped me unchain my heart with your words. How powerful words are! My next lessons: leave the pain behind, use the words ” I’m fine” and actually mean it and learn to Love with all my heart.

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One response to “Unchain My Heart

  1. kathylashley says:

    I loved the 2nd to last paragraph. It was my favorite and one I could identify with in my own life. Thanks for the inspirational post.

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